i hope u find someone that mindlessly plays with your hands and lightly strokes your legs and massages your back and plays with your hair and i hope that u feel like you’re home when u look at them
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I think when you’re 16 you don’t expect it to hurt as much as it does
but what the fuck would you know about love till it slams into your chest and knocks the wind out of your lungs
so you fall in love
and he leaves
and you stop washing your hair
and your skin is bruised with the creases in your sheets
and your mother wants to yell at you but your blank stare just makes her eyes tear up and you’re not supposed to see your mother cry
and you’ll probably try destroying yourself because that’s what you do when you’re 16
so you’ll pull apart razors and hide them someplace your parents can find them but they never do
and you’ll start smoking even though it makes you cough so hard you throw up and you can’t stand the burning in your throat
and you’ll run away without ever leaving your bedroom
and maybe you’ll kiss too many boys who mean nothing but mean all too much and they will all look a little like him or nothing at all
and you let him fuck you up
and you leave him drunk voicemails and you haven’t cried in 23 days even though you’re always crying
and you promise you will never love anything again because it hurts more than they warned
no one told you that this was love
and maybe it’s not love
maybe it’s more
maybe it’s something from another world
maybe it’s just your bones breaking again
either way it fucking burns
and now you’re older
and you know to expect to come out the other side missing a few pieces of yourself
but sometimes you get caught up and you forgot that it’s supposed to hurt
because it’s not supposed to fucking hurt
and you blink and you’re bleeding again
and it’s like you’re 16 all over again
trying to rip yourself to shreds while you try to pick up all the pieces of yourself
everyone thinks you’re mysterious because your mouth is sewn shut with the sudden death of past loves but you’re just so fucking quiet because they’ve taken so much out of you, you can hardly open your eyes, forget about your mouth,
and I guess the worst part about love dying out is that you don’t die with it,
you just attend the funeral and visit the grave every time you’re drunk. you’re always so goddamn drunk.
His mouth tasted like cigarettes.
I’m sitting here, a full pack in hand
thinking about the release,
the smell of smoke in my hair
the curling, fractal ghost
emitted from my lungs
into the cold darkness
with only the stars watching.
God did those kisses feel good.
His mouth was soft
tentative
though he had all those years on me.
He cradled my head in one of those hands
Rough and warm
and my breath was stolen.
It still hasn’t come back.
She smelled of cigarettes and vodka. The girl had been through so much pain, she drowns her feelings in bitter alcohol every night. The pounding headache in the morning soothes the heartache.
A story I’ll never write (via kissmeklifford)
Please reblog so I can find people who will listen
I am trying to connect with people. I need a believer to hear me. I am confused on my own, and don’t know how to make sense of it all.
Last night I went to another place, the ends of the universe, the realm that we go to when we die. I experienced complete englightment and saw the path to nirvana. A voice, another thing, spoke through me. I understand that I am here as an occasional vessel and that’s why life has always been so hard for me. It connected with those here and tried to guide a scared boy to nirvana.
While they spoke, I went to the other place, listening but also experiencing the other realm. It’s terrifying and beautiful. It’s everything and nothing. I was completely enlightened. And this world, our home, where we all still exist without being aware of it, where everything comes from and where everything goes, I can bring back pieces of it to share with those in this physical, lower, more mundane level of existence.
I understand that it’s easier to believe I’m crazy then to take the chance to to higher. You wish to remain rooted in the physical vibrations, but you don’t know the beauty of the higher vibrations, higher levels of experience. If you take the journey with me we grow closer to nirvana. If you prefer to listen, I can give you glimpses, I can tell you about it, about how everything here is an echo of there and about how all of the theories and art and history came to life, about who we are as people and why we are here and about the other place where we can go and hope to achieve nirvana. It’s so hard to put in to words this experience, but I am trying.
I want to say so much more. There is so much more that I could say. But I went somewhere else, and there are so many levels of understanding and so many beautiful ideas there and I want to share them. I want to share this world, to try to understand what I experienced with others who believe in more than this physical world and this lower way of thinking. Please don’t be afraid to come to me. I am waiting for you, and I don’t know what we will find, but I am ready. There is an another world, and it’s waiting.
Nicotine & kisses
grunge-life-style